Friday, May 21, 2010

I don't know what my bf's problem is, if he's bipolar, cheating, confused or what.?

my bf has had really bad problems trying to get work. which has made him really depressed. they cut off his cell %26amp; he's been bouncing from apt. to apt. i work full time, go to school full time so i can only help him so much financially. we've been together 3 yrs. %26amp; he's been asking me to move in with him. he broke up with me last thursday. the previous thurs. %26amp; fri. he came to visit me since i couldn't drive with my broken arm. (had cast 1 mth.) have new cast for another mth. he was pissed b/c he said i didn't see him (duh cast!) and didn't love him. sat. night he called from a withheld # %26amp; told me he was moving to cali b/c i didn't love him. i was upset/crying, i hung up on him. he didn't call back. mon. i got call from a payphone, i called back..no answer. tues. no call. wed. i got a call from the withheld #, i picked up %26amp; he said nothing%26amp; hung up. thurs. night he called from same payphone saying he was in n. carolina. WHAT?! he blamed me for all our problems.

I don't know what my bf's problem is, if he's bipolar, cheating, confused or what.?
sounds like he is trying to guilt you into supporting him.... anyone that does things like that doesnt truely love you... you deserve better.... if you ended it with him it may b better to finish school so you have more time to dedicate to him.... or who ever.... dont play his games though... it isnt your fault at all.... sounds like he needs to get his stuff together before he is ready for a relationship as well
Reply:He's nuts, and you don't need him. Seriously. Be thankful if he's really gone, and if he's not (and just playing games with you as he probably is), then get him out of your life before he shows up at your door one night with a knife or something.
Reply:Let it go the man has got issues..!
Reply:Time to move on this guy sounds nuttier than Chinese Chicken Salad.
Reply:something is on his mind he mite just be a little depressed
Reply:WHAT? First of all he is taking out on you all of his problems. It is not your fault that he is in an unstable situation. He is a grown a-- man! Why are his finances, job and living situation, or lack thereof, your problem? You sound like a young woman who wants something for yourself (I get this from you being in school and working full-time), so don't let him guilt trip you into feeling sorry for him. Be happy you didn't move in with him or his problems WOULD be your problem. Why would anyone want to merge lives with someone who doesn't have their sh-- together. Girl keep doing you and let him figure out his own life and what path he will take. If he can stabilize himself and come to the table with more than his problems then GREAT, otherwise count yourself blessed that he is talking about moving away.





He sounds like a big a-- baby who wants you to throw him a pity party, I wouldn't do it! Good Luck.
Reply:It is not your fault! Please for your wellness and his check out a psychiatrist who can perscribe some meds!!!!!
Reply:Without a single doubt, your boyfriend has emotional problems. I would not be quick to label him with any diagnosis, but his behavior certainly shows signs of chemical imbalance coupled with situational depression, anxiety and stress. If you know anything about his past, you may find that issues of abandonment and abuse or neglect were present.





I strongly recommend that you separate yourself from him. You are not going to save him from himself. You cannot be his surrogate mother. You cannot be his counselor or psychiatrist.





You do not need chaos and instability in your life. If he has ever threatened you with violence or has ever abused you emotionally, there is all the more reason to let the relationship die. If you suspect that he would harm himself or you if you tell him the relationship is over, then do not tell him you want to end the relationship. Simply avoid him and if necessary, get a restraining order against him. But by all means, protect yourself! I work in the legal system and I can't tell you how many times unstable men have harmed or killed their girlfriends or wives for leaving them just a day or two after a restraining order was enforced. When an emotionally unstable person feels like his or her life is careening out of control, they are more likely to commit violent acts against self or a target of their frustration. You said that your boyfriend already blames you for much of the troubles in his life. This is indicative of irrational behavior and an unstable mood disorder. If he is prone to violence, stay with a family member, friend or neighbor where he is not likely to find you for awhile until you suspect he is out of your life.





If he is not prone to violence or acting out, gently but firmly suggest that he get help and perhaps get him the phone number to a local counseling center that bases their fees on one's income. You can start by contacting your local mental health facility and asking them to direct you to the free or income-sensitive counseling centers in your area.





I hope that your casted arm is not the result of conflict between the two of you. You are an intelligent girl. Do not allow your sexual intimacy with this man (if you are so) to cloud your better judgement. He probably fits the profile of a man who has no (close) friends and seeks intimacy and stability from a woman who almost becomes his surrogate mother; a woman he can emotionally manipulate to give him a sense of security.





You cannot help him. You are not his mother. Look in the mirror and repeat this to yourself and get out of the relationship. Only once he has sought treatment and stabilized his moods should you allow any interactions with him to resume. For goodness sake, you must realize that you can stand on your own feet as a mature, responsible woman. You don't have to be a jerk to do it; do it with dignity and strength of character.





God speed.
Reply:He definitely has some mental issues. He needs to seek help from a doctor and a psychologist. I know you won't want to do this but you may considering breaking off the relationship until he get's his head together. Or stay with him but on the condition that he get help, because he's going to get worse and he's going to drag you down with him.
Reply:hmmm, its time to move on and forget about him,,,he doesnt sound like he is all there and probably not worth your time. If he has no sympathy for your broken arem and only thinks about himself hes not worth anything,
Reply:Stop paying for him, stop taking his calls. This guy is off his rocker and can't seem to take responsibility for his life. Get him out of your life before he brings you down too.
Reply:GET OUT AND DON'T LOOK BACK! I was in a relationship like this recently and its not worth the stress on you financially and emotionally.. He is just taking advantage of your weakness for generosity and helping him out and when you can't he blames you..Like mine did he blamed me because i couldn't afford to come see him because i spent all my money helping him get out of debt and what little money i had needed to go for my own bills.. and that i didn't love him because he said that we weren't in a relationship then because people in a relationship see each other more than once a week..But I split up with him and its the best thing ever...I am slowly rebuilding my account and stress free..You do not need to be with someone like this...and you definately don' t need to be getting married to someone like this..Get out while you can and never look back..he needs to get his crap together on his own..and you don't need to be putting yourself in debt and stressing yourself out trying to help him when he obviously doesn't appreciate it..So give him the boot you can do so much better.
Reply:He is selfish and immature, and possibly dealing with serious mental problems. But there is NO reason you should have to be the scapegoat and take his (emotional) abuse.





Ask yourself: would you put up with this behavior in a female friend? I'm guessing that the answer is: not a chance!





So, why put up with this from some selfish, drama-causing guy? Let him go, since that is what his actions are telling you he wants you to do, and find someone who will appreciate your nuturing side.
Reply:j
Reply:Sounds like you need another boyfriend. Just cry a river, build a bridge , and get over it.


Get yourself a new fella.
Reply:you wont know until you talk to him. reserve some time to catch him, then communicate your confusion on what is happening. there's a chance that he's bipolar, and it's easy to be mad at him, but there could probably be a reason for it.
Reply:He sounds like a very confused guy that doesn't really have his feet on the ground entirely. I think what you should do what is best for you and forget about this guy! He obviously doesn't care about you and thinks irrationally if he's thinking about moving to different states and is popping up in different states calling off of payphones. I think if he keeps bugging you ..change your number and forget about him. This guy does not sound like the type of a guy that should be with a girl that is working/going to school full time. You need to go out with your girlfriends, forget about this loser, and find a real man with a job and some outlook in his life other than moving and calling off of payphones. The best of luck with you!
Reply:That is extremely abusive behavior, and you need to let him go. As long as you are with him, he will never get better.





All of his problems can only be fixed by himself. If he cannot find work, that is his fault - he isn't trying hard enough. There is work out there.





None of these problems are yours, and he is just trying to drag you down to his level. Get away as quickly as possible. This is textbook abuse!





Here are a couple of sites that you NEED to read. I speak from experience.





http://www.beverlyengel.com/books/quizes...





http://www.abusivelove.com/





http://www.angelfire.com/biz/BPD/blackma...





http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html...





Remember - you are a target, not a victim! Remove yourself from the situation, and you are neither.





Good luck, and I promise you that once you are out of it for a little bit, you will be so happy to be away from all of this.
Reply:hun he needs help... I've been in relationships like that before. It isn't you, don't let him bring you down... Do everything you can, that's all you can do. Don't lose your mind over someone like that
Reply:I am sorry but he sounds like a loser. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't work or have life goals that you will have to support?
Reply:move on find someone new


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