Euphemisms for Masterbation. Male, some these are funny for Mature ONLY?

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;





Life is freaking sexually transmitted! I posted the Female already now here's male!





A euphemism is the substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant; also : the expression so substituted.





A


Abusing the usual suspect


Angry fist action


Answer the bone-a-phone


Assault on a friendly weapon





B


Backstroke roulette


Baiting your hook


Ball off


Batting practice


Bash the bishop


Bash the candle


Beat off


Beat your hog


Beating the bait


Beating the bishop


Beating the dummy


Beating the snake


Beating the stick


Beating your meat


Being your own best friend


Belt your hog


Blanket drill, The


Bleed the lizard


Bleed the weed


Blessing the alter boy


Blow Your load


Bludgeon the beefsteak


Bop the baloney


Bop the boa


Bop the hog


Boppin' your bologna


Box the Jesuit


Boxing the clown


Buckin' it


Buffing the banana


Buffing the wood


Burping the worm


Bust a nut


Butter your corn





C


Cajun clown f@cking


Calling down for more mayo


Calling genie


Cast off


Chafing the weasel


Changing your oil


Charm the cobra


Chicken milking


Choking Charlie 'till he throws up


Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come


Choke Kojak


Choke the bishop


Choke the chicken


Cleaning out the rope


Cleaning the pipes


Cleaning the rifle


Clubbing Eddy


Clubbing the dolphin


Coax the cajones


Coming to grips with yourself


Couch hockey for one


Cough your filthy yogurt


Cracking one off


Cracking the fat


Crank the Shank


Cranking


Creaming the banana


Crown the king


Cuff the carrot


Cuff the governor


Cuffing the puppy





D


Date Rosey Palm and her five daughters


Dating Miss Michigan


Detoxifying the puppy


Devil's handshake


Diddle yourself


Dishonorable discharge


Doing the knuckle shuffle on your piss pump


Dong flogging


Doodle your noodle


Drain the dragon


Drain the monster


Drain the vein


Drip the pickle


Drop off a load


Drubbing the dolphin





E


Eberting Siskel





F


Fapping


Fertilizing the Lawn


Fetch the bagel dog


Fiddle the ferret


Fight your turkey


Firm your worm


Fist f@ck


Fist kabobing


Fist your mister


Five against one


Five finger knuckle shuffle


Five knuckle olympics


Flog yourself


Flogging the bishop


Flogging the dolphin


Flogging your dong


Flogging your log


Flong your dong


Flute solo


Flying a kite


Fondle the fig


Freeing the willies


Friction therapy


Frig yourself


Frigging the love muscle


F@ck Mary Fist





G


Gallop the antelope


Get a hold of yourself


Get your nuts off


Getting in touch with your manhood


Getting in touch with yourself


Getting to know yourself


Getting your caps peeled


Gherkin jerkin'


Giving it a tug


Giving oneself a "low-five"


Giving the John Hancock


Grease the pipe


Greasing your bone


Grip your dip


Grooming your junior





H


Hack the hog


Ham shank


Hand dancing


Hand jive


Hand job


Handle yourself


Hands on training


Hand to gland combat


Hand to hand combat with the purple helmeted warrior


Hand work


Having a pull


Having a roy


Have it off


Have one off the wrist


Heating up the hot dog


Hitchhike under the big top


Hitching to Heaven


Hit the ham


Holding all the cards


Holding your sausage hostage


Hone your bone


Hump your fist


Hump your hose


Humpin' air





I


Interrogating the witness


Ironing some wrinkles





J


Jack hammer


Jack off


Jackin'


Jackin' the beanstalk


Jag off


Jazz yourself


Jerk off


Jerk the gherkin


Jerk the Johnson


Jibbin'


Jiggle the jewelry


Jimmying your Joey


Juggling the javelin





K


Keep the census down


Kick one out


Killing kittens


Killing the beast


Knock the top off


Knuckle shuffle





L


Launching the hand shuttle


Leakin' the main drain


Living by the fat of the hand


Lizard milking


Loping your mule


Lynching the one-eyed monster





M


Makin' gravy for the biscuit


Making the bald guy puke


Making nut butter


Making yogurt


Mangle the midget


Manipulate the mango


Manual exercise


Manual override


Manual pollution


Masonic secret self handshake


Massage the muscle


Massage the purple-headed warrior


Menage a moi


Milking the bull


Milking the lizard


Milking the monkey


Milkywaying


Molding hot plastic


Muscling up





N


Nerk your throbber





O


Oil the glove


Oiling the pogo stick


Onanism


One handed clapping


One handed humpty hump love pump, The


One handed rodeo, The


One-legged race, The


One man show


One man tug-o-war


One man wrestling


One man's game





P


Pack your palm


Paddle the pickle


Paint the pickle


Paint the walls


Pat the Robertson


Peel the banana


Peel the carrot


Peter beater


Petting the dog


Playing with D*ck


Playing with Susie Palm and her five friends


Playing with the noodle


Play pocket pool


Play the organ


Play the pisser


Play the p*ss pipe


Play the skin flute


Play the stand-up organ


Playing with the snake


Playing your instrument


Play with yourself


Plunk your twanger


Pocket pinball


Pocket pool


Pokin' the palm


Polish the bishop


Polish the chrome dome


Polish the helmet


Polish the rocket


Polish the sword


Polish your bayonet


Polish your helmet


Polish your piece


Polishing the banister


Polishing the cue stick


Popping the porpoise


Pound off


Pound your flounder


Pound your p*ss pump


Pound your pomegranate


Pounding your pud


Preemptive infanticide


Private arm exercise


Prod the peepee


Promoting carpal-tunnel syndrome


Pudwhacking


Pud wrestling


Pull the root


Pull off


Pull your pud


Pull your pudding


Pull yourself off


Pulling the goalie


Pulling the p*ss pump


Pulling the pole


Pulling the pope


Pulling the pud


Pulling the taffy


Pulling the wire


Pulling your pickle


Pump your pickle


Pumping for pleasure


Pumping for power


Pumping the python


Pumping your gas at self-service island


Punchin' the clown


Punchin' the munchkin


Punishing Percy


Punishing the bishop


Punishing the priest


Punishing the Evil Merchant





Q


[none]





R


Ram the ham


Releasing the hostages


Ricky boxing


Ride the great white knuckler


Ringing the bell


Rolling the fleshy blunt


Roman helmet rhumba


Ropin' the long horn


Rope the pony


Roughing up the suspect


Rounding up the tadpoles


Rub off


Rub one out


Rub the unicorn's horn


Rubbing Peter to pay Paula


Run off a batch





S


Saluting the general


Sanding the main mast


Shaking hands with the unemployed


Shlackin' the glacknoid


Scraping the carrot


Scratching the itch


Seasoning your meat


Self-love


Sending out the troops


Setting sail with Captain Thumb on the USS Hand


Sex with your best friend


Shag off


Shaking hands with Abe Lincoln


Shaking hands with shorty


Shaking hands with the governor


Shaking hands with the unemployed


Shake the snake


Shaking the tree


Shifting gears


Shine your pole


Shining the helmet


Shining the torpedo


Shooting enemies


Shooting practice


Shooting putty at the moon


Shooting Sherman


Shooting without scoring


Shower spank


Shucking Bubba


Shucking the corn


Simple infanticide


Slam the hammer


Slammin' the salami


Slappin' pappy


Slapping the clown


Slapping Uncle Willy


Slap boxing the one-eyed champ


Slap my happy sacs


Slap the salami


Slapping the cyclops


Slapping your chub


Slinging jelly


Sloppy Joe's last stand


Sloppy sign language


Smacking the snake


Smite the dragon


Snap the monkey


Snap the whip


Snapping your carrot


Solitary sin, The


Spank the frank


Spank your monkey


Spear chucking


Spit-shine the purple helmet


Splurtin' the spladder bladder


Spreading the mayo


Spunk the monk


Squeeze the cream from the flesh twinkie


Squeeze the lemon


Squeezing the tube of toothpaste


Squeezing the burrito


Stall clapping


Stir the soup


Strangling the snake


Strangling the Wonka


Stroke off


Stroke the stallion


Stroke your poke


Stroking it


Stroking your goat


Stroke your poker





T


Tadpole rodeo, The


Taking a core sample


Taking a shake break


Taking advantage of yourself


Taking Herman to the circus


Taking Little Johnny dancing down at Knuckle Junction


Tame the wild hog


Taming of the shrew, The


Tap the turkey


Tease one out


Tease the python


Tease the weasel


Tenderize the meat


Tethering the blimp


The erky jerk


The sticky page rhumba


Threading a needle


Throttle the bottle


Throw off a catch


Throwin' down


Thump the pump


Tickle the Elmo


Tickle the pickle


Tickle your goodfoot


Toss off


Toss the boss


Toss the midget


Toss the turkey


Touch off a batch of orphans


Tugging the tapioca tube


Tugging the tubesteak


Tug of war with cyclops


Tuning the antenna


Turning on the ivory faucet


Tussle with your muscle


Twang your wire


Tweek





U


Uncorking the champagne


Unwrapping the pepperoni





V


Varnishing the cane


Vinegar stroke





W


Wailing


Waking up your bro


Walking the dog


Walking Willie the one-eyed wonder worm


Wang whacking


W#nk(ing)


W#nk the Willy Wonka


Wanking the crank


Waxing the dolphin


Wax your Jackson


Wax your weasel


Wax your Willy


Whack the bag


Whack off


Whack your tack


Whacking the weed


Whapping your wang


Whip the cummy


Whip your cripper


Whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel


Whipping the pony


Whipping the window washer


Whipping up a batch


White water wristing


Whizzin' J*zz


Wiggling your worm


Willy tickle


Winding the Jack In The Box


Wing it


Wonk your conker


Work one out


Working a cramp out of your muscle


Working your willy


Wrestling Jimmy


Wrestling the bald-headed champ


Wrestling the bald-headed sumo


Wrestling the eel


Wring out your rope


Wring your thing


Wringing 'round the rosie


Wrist aerobics





X


[none]





Y


Yahtzee


Yank my doodle dandy


Yank off


Yank the yodel


Yank your crank


Yank your yam





Z


Zipper surfing





http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblu...

Euphemisms for Masterbation. Male, some these are funny for Mature ONLY?
Whew!! Mercy! LOL. LOL. TMI. LOL.
Reply:SOTP, DO NOT WANT!!! and TL;DR kthx. Report It

Reply:Dude, you have way too much time on your hands, oh thats one too haha.
Reply:Too long just like my schlong!
Reply:with all that wanking I'd bet he's got more than just time on his hands.